Saturday, February 23, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
sometimes...
sometimes you get sick on a tuesday... and wake up sometime on a wednesday and realize all the bread you baked and granola you made on monday is gone. the bathroom you cleaned isn't freshly cleaned anymore. the dishes you washed were dirtied and washed again. and laundry was hung on the line and dried. and life went on without you...
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Sisters - Part 4
my sisters are all so amazing.
Grace, our baby sister. She's 9 or 45. Its hard to tell. Grace is my little jokester (she doesn't mean to always make people laugh. She is serious. Not joking. But, we are always laughing anyway.) She is the one sister with the freckles. Shes always dancing and running and flipping around. She doesn't like sitting still. She's completely serious 90% of the time. She is the youngest. She doesn't want to be the youngest. Its a "hard knock life" according to her. Something we hear on a regular basis, "Yall don't know what its like being the youngest!".
She thinks she is always misunderstood. She get mad easily. She doesn't care about clothes. As long as its comfortable. She cries when she hears sad music. She loves singing sad songs and she has an incredible voice. But she doesn't like to sing for anybody. She loves Johnny Cash.She loves playing his songs on the guitar and singing them. She loves old musicals and black and white movies. She gets embarrassed easily. She gets annoyed easily. She talks about her feelings all the time. She is afraid of the Ocean. She likes those nasty green smoothies my dad makes. Instead of juice in her sippie cup she would have a thick green smelly smoothie. She asks every question there is. She loves pink. She loves Ben. She loves bestfriends. She wouldn't play with boys until last year. She doesn't like being the center of attention. She has always seemed more like a little adult than a baby. I love everything about her.
Grace will be starting her own blog this Summer. Be looking for it.
Grace, our baby sister. She's 9 or 45. Its hard to tell. Grace is my little jokester (she doesn't mean to always make people laugh. She is serious. Not joking. But, we are always laughing anyway.) She is the one sister with the freckles. Shes always dancing and running and flipping around. She doesn't like sitting still. She's completely serious 90% of the time. She is the youngest. She doesn't want to be the youngest. Its a "hard knock life" according to her. Something we hear on a regular basis, "Yall don't know what its like being the youngest!".
She thinks she is always misunderstood. She get mad easily. She doesn't care about clothes. As long as its comfortable. She cries when she hears sad music. She loves singing sad songs and she has an incredible voice. But she doesn't like to sing for anybody. She loves Johnny Cash.She loves playing his songs on the guitar and singing them. She loves old musicals and black and white movies. She gets embarrassed easily. She gets annoyed easily. She talks about her feelings all the time. She is afraid of the Ocean. She likes those nasty green smoothies my dad makes. Instead of juice in her sippie cup she would have a thick green smelly smoothie. She asks every question there is. She loves pink. She loves Ben. She loves bestfriends. She wouldn't play with boys until last year. She doesn't like being the center of attention. She has always seemed more like a little adult than a baby. I love everything about her.
Grace will be starting her own blog this Summer. Be looking for it.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Rise! let us go!
Sometimes you have to humble yourself and just admit you were wrong. Apologize and ask for forgiveness. then move on.... I have to do this frequently.
One of my faults is dwelling on the wrong thing I've done for too long. I feel so terrible about the mistake I made, I can't believe I did it, and I cant stop beating myself up over what I did wrong.
(Matthew 26:46 helped me. Its basically Jesus letting the disciples know, look guys, I know you did wrong. You are sorry. you feel like the lowest of low right now. you fell asleep when I needed you the most. (they did it like 3 times.) but you are forgiven. okay get up and go. time for the next thing. Its over.
I just don't do that part. I dont look ahead and move on, I keep looking over my shoulder at my mistakes and wrongs and dwelling on them. punishing myself even though it is past and over and I was forgiven. I thought I was doing the right thing by thinking so much about what I did wrong. Then I realized, I don't think the Lord wants me doing that. He want;s me to learn from it. To not do it again. To be repentant. To move on to the next thing. Because its done. I can't go back and change what happened.
All I can do is, humble myself, admit I was wrong, apologize, ask forgiveness, and then "rise, let us go" when Jesus says to.
I'm trying Lord, I know it takes kinda a long time with me, but day by day I am learning more and more. your mercies are new. You never get tired of me. You forgive every time. you love always and unconditionally. You are there to help me up. You are there to show me new things through your words, your creation and beauty, your children here on earth. And though I am a slow learner, and you probably shake your head at the things I do.((its okay God, you can just tweet, "omg guys, did you just see what @jessclark88 did. smh #whenissheevergonnalearn #thethingsidealwith") I pray you see that I'm trying to learn this one and I'm doing better. Everyday I know I'm getting closer to the girl you want me to be. Everyday I'm trying harder. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me and being so patient. Thankyou for showing me who you want me to be and helping me get there.
Love, Jess
One of my faults is dwelling on the wrong thing I've done for too long. I feel so terrible about the mistake I made, I can't believe I did it, and I cant stop beating myself up over what I did wrong.
(Matthew 26:46 helped me. Its basically Jesus letting the disciples know, look guys, I know you did wrong. You are sorry. you feel like the lowest of low right now. you fell asleep when I needed you the most. (they did it like 3 times.) but you are forgiven. okay get up and go. time for the next thing. Its over.
I just don't do that part. I dont look ahead and move on, I keep looking over my shoulder at my mistakes and wrongs and dwelling on them. punishing myself even though it is past and over and I was forgiven. I thought I was doing the right thing by thinking so much about what I did wrong. Then I realized, I don't think the Lord wants me doing that. He want;s me to learn from it. To not do it again. To be repentant. To move on to the next thing. Because its done. I can't go back and change what happened.
All I can do is, humble myself, admit I was wrong, apologize, ask forgiveness, and then "rise, let us go" when Jesus says to.
I'm trying Lord, I know it takes kinda a long time with me, but day by day I am learning more and more. your mercies are new. You never get tired of me. You forgive every time. you love always and unconditionally. You are there to help me up. You are there to show me new things through your words, your creation and beauty, your children here on earth. And though I am a slow learner, and you probably shake your head at the things I do.((its okay God, you can just tweet, "omg guys, did you just see what @jessclark88 did. smh #whenissheevergonnalearn #thethingsidealwith") I pray you see that I'm trying to learn this one and I'm doing better. Everyday I know I'm getting closer to the girl you want me to be. Everyday I'm trying harder. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me and being so patient. Thankyou for showing me who you want me to be and helping me get there.
Love, Jess
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The first of the year
I haven't blogged all year. I've barely wrote a scrap all Winter worth reading. I had 4 or 5 pieces typed up through out the Fall and never posted them. I was meaning to post about my siblings birthdays and holidays. About sewing and creating and my cooking and baking escapades. I meant to do a whole blog on beekeeping. Writing about everything. But the "everything" just seemed to take all my time and energy. And its a good thing that I focused on helping wherever I can. I've been busy with work and music and bible reading. Plenty of family drama to keep me occupied.
Right now the main things in my life are these,
1. Trying to get as close to God as I can. By praying and reading
2. My broken sister and taking care of her.
3. Work and work
4. Music
It takes up all my time. But that's good I think. I will try though to find more time to write. Because its good for me to write.
I'm learning to
Praise God in all things,
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
Right now the main things in my life are these,
1. Trying to get as close to God as I can. By praying and reading
2. My broken sister and taking care of her.
3. Work and work
4. Music
It takes up all my time. But that's good I think. I will try though to find more time to write. Because its good for me to write.
I'm learning to
Praise God in all things,
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Two nights ago...
I had a dream about Ryan Gosling. It was probably because it was the day after his birthday. So he was a little bit on my mind.
I dreamed I was in a house that was being used to put on a children's play. A little old white farm house with the living room filled with lawn chairs for seats. The lights were just bare light bulbs. The room was a little dim and flickery with bugs being zapped by the lights every now and then ya know. My sister Grace was in this play. I was looking for an empty chair when Ryan waltzed in and sat down. There were only a few empty seats left and they all were around him. So naturally I had to sit by him. I looked apologetically at him like "ehm, sorry It seems like I'm dying to sit by you, its not because you are famous.. it may be because you are so beautiful... but Its not on purpose Ryan Gosling, I'm not one of those girls. And I'm really sorry you always feel like everyone is obsessed with you and you can't even go enjoy a children's play without being noticed." (by the way, no one else in the room cared who he was. and I mean, I didn't either.) So we sit there waiting for like 16 minutes for the play to start. We were chatting it up a little bit. He told me his kid sister was in the play too. So that was cool. We just had a great time at the play. And when it was over I woke up. (I'm sorry to say I didn't really pay attention to what the play was about.)
I dreamed I was in a house that was being used to put on a children's play. A little old white farm house with the living room filled with lawn chairs for seats. The lights were just bare light bulbs. The room was a little dim and flickery with bugs being zapped by the lights every now and then ya know. My sister Grace was in this play. I was looking for an empty chair when Ryan waltzed in and sat down. There were only a few empty seats left and they all were around him. So naturally I had to sit by him. I looked apologetically at him like "ehm, sorry It seems like I'm dying to sit by you, its not because you are famous.. it may be because you are so beautiful... but Its not on purpose Ryan Gosling, I'm not one of those girls. And I'm really sorry you always feel like everyone is obsessed with you and you can't even go enjoy a children's play without being noticed." (by the way, no one else in the room cared who he was. and I mean, I didn't either.) So we sit there waiting for like 16 minutes for the play to start. We were chatting it up a little bit. He told me his kid sister was in the play too. So that was cool. We just had a great time at the play. And when it was over I woke up. (I'm sorry to say I didn't really pay attention to what the play was about.)
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Smallest Clark Makes Dinner
The littlest Grace makes the dinner. First time ever. And she's a wee 9 year old. (This wouldn't be happening if the parents were here...but they aren't and I'm letting her.)
I'm pretty sure our dinner is Spaghetti. She made Pasta, Red Sauce, Toasted English Muffins, and her dessert appears to be vanilla ice cream in little dishes with peach slices and red sprinkles.
This is epic. I'll try and get pictures.
I'm pretty sure our dinner is Spaghetti. She made Pasta, Red Sauce, Toasted English Muffins, and her dessert appears to be vanilla ice cream in little dishes with peach slices and red sprinkles.
This is epic. I'll try and get pictures.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Golden Trees, Scarves and Sweaters
The Harvest Gathering is in 7 more days.
I'm so excited about a weekend of music, friends, food, drinks and a good time.
The great weather is great. And cold. And I'm wearing pants, scarves and sweaters every day. And socks. I even slept with my socks on... nope I didn't.
The past days have been full of office work, cleaning, schooling and kittens that I don't like.
The parents both got sick. And are getting better. I'm busy but happy. Butternut Squash for dinner is beautiful.My bible is full of useful knowledge and I'm getting caught up on laundry and work. Its great. And now I'm ending this because Michal has jelly in her hair and Ben is just innocently weeding the garden...
facebook.com/Harvestgathering
I'm so excited about a weekend of music, friends, food, drinks and a good time.
The great weather is great. And cold. And I'm wearing pants, scarves and sweaters every day. And socks. I even slept with my socks on... nope I didn't.
The past days have been full of office work, cleaning, schooling and kittens that I don't like.
The parents both got sick. And are getting better. I'm busy but happy. Butternut Squash for dinner is beautiful.My bible is full of useful knowledge and I'm getting caught up on laundry and work. Its great. And now I'm ending this because Michal has jelly in her hair and Ben is just innocently weeding the garden...
facebook.com/Harvestgathering
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I want to Fall
I just want to carve a pumpkin okay? I just want to get lost in a corn maze okay? I am happy about all the apple cider I've been drinking. I'm happy about baking things full of apples and pumpkin and squash and spices. I like teaching the schoolgirl sisters of mine. I like wearing the red sweater and the hiking boots. The ground is kinda muddy and stuff. The air bites my face sometimes. And stings a little. Probably I should wear a scarf. The ground is covered in crunchy leaves. Driving through Kentucky, Tennessee and North Carolina is such beauty. And then we get to South Carolina and its here too. All the leaves have changed and its great. My days are full of packing up the Summer and readying for the Winter. Cleaning and teaching. Music and work. Its all good. I want this Fall to be such real good Fall.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
My last night
Last night we got home from our trip. And something happened.
First of all, on our way home the Lord blessed me with some amazing boots. So I was pretty excited and started wearing them right away. you know, to break them in. And we stopped in Asheville to see Joshua and Kalyn. We were inside a Macdonalds and I couldn't get a word in edgewise so I decided to get in that playplace and get me some attention. (Ileftmyshoeson) So I was happy I could still climb all up in there. Then when I went down the slide it was like pitch black dark and scared me so I learned my lesson about trying to get attention. I will just let others talk the most.
After we left that place we drove home.
We got home and it was late and dark and everyone was jabbering on about how excited Tegan would be to see us. And I'm like um yeah, she will be excited because someone told me if you leave your dog for more than 3 days it thinks youre dead. not mentioning any names... my sister Daniele Clark. So, Ben said we should probably film the reunion incase something exciting happened like oh idk a heart attack or 4 feet jump in the air or something.
So Everyone is clammouring to get out of the van and I'm pulling on my new boots and getting out too. I've got the camera on and everything, following Ben. All the sudden he starts to kinda run, so I like started to run to and I hit the ground hard. I mean I fell hard. And as soon as I hit the ground I knew what had happened. and I started laaauughhhinnggg.. I haven't laughed that hard at myself in a while. When we were in the van I tied my bootlaces together so I could find my shoes easier when it was time to get out... and I forgot I had done that.
So a couple bloody hands and scrapped up elbow and knee and leg and muddy, leaf covered clothings later... Jess learned a lesson. If you want your left side to stay safe. Do not forget you tied your shoelaces together.
First of all, on our way home the Lord blessed me with some amazing boots. So I was pretty excited and started wearing them right away. you know, to break them in. And we stopped in Asheville to see Joshua and Kalyn. We were inside a Macdonalds and I couldn't get a word in edgewise so I decided to get in that playplace and get me some attention. (Ileftmyshoeson) So I was happy I could still climb all up in there. Then when I went down the slide it was like pitch black dark and scared me so I learned my lesson about trying to get attention. I will just let others talk the most.
After we left that place we drove home.
We got home and it was late and dark and everyone was jabbering on about how excited Tegan would be to see us. And I'm like um yeah, she will be excited because someone told me if you leave your dog for more than 3 days it thinks youre dead. not mentioning any names... my sister Daniele Clark. So, Ben said we should probably film the reunion incase something exciting happened like oh idk a heart attack or 4 feet jump in the air or something.
So Everyone is clammouring to get out of the van and I'm pulling on my new boots and getting out too. I've got the camera on and everything, following Ben. All the sudden he starts to kinda run, so I like started to run to and I hit the ground hard. I mean I fell hard. And as soon as I hit the ground I knew what had happened. and I started laaauughhhinnggg.. I haven't laughed that hard at myself in a while. When we were in the van I tied my bootlaces together so I could find my shoes easier when it was time to get out... and I forgot I had done that.
So a couple bloody hands and scrapped up elbow and knee and leg and muddy, leaf covered clothings later... Jess learned a lesson. If you want your left side to stay safe. Do not forget you tied your shoelaces together.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
too tired to be inspired
Dear People,
This past weekend has been a very full one. Actually this past week, month, season, however far back I choose to go, its all full of everything.
And I just want to be wide awake and have time to write it all down.
And right now, I probably won't even get half of what I want wrote.
So I'm not gonna even attempt.
Just know that in the very near future some stories from the last two weeks of my life are going to grace your newsfeeds and tumblrs and whatnot...I also am posting an album or two of my sister's birthday (kinda afterthefact but its still fun pictures)and our Indiana/Chicago/Kentucky trip. I will start posting video blogs. And hopefully get it all linked to our band web stuff soon. Should be interesting. I'm excited to get it all wrote out and sort my thoughts. And I'm actually enjoying realizing that as I journal and sort through all the craziness in my head the whole internet world can read about it and laugh at/with me.
Love, Jess
This past weekend has been a very full one. Actually this past week, month, season, however far back I choose to go, its all full of everything.
And I just want to be wide awake and have time to write it all down.
And right now, I probably won't even get half of what I want wrote.
So I'm not gonna even attempt.
Just know that in the very near future some stories from the last two weeks of my life are going to grace your newsfeeds and tumblrs and whatnot...I also am posting an album or two of my sister's birthday (kinda afterthefact but its still fun pictures)and our Indiana/Chicago/Kentucky trip. I will start posting video blogs. And hopefully get it all linked to our band web stuff soon. Should be interesting. I'm excited to get it all wrote out and sort my thoughts. And I'm actually enjoying realizing that as I journal and sort through all the craziness in my head the whole internet world can read about it and laugh at/with me.
Love, Jess
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Danieles Birthday
I have found my calling in life, it is to supply perfect costume ideas for any and all people based on book characters. ITs the most fun I've had in a long time....
Last night we watched movies all night and ate family size cheetos and doritos. Just a few of us.
So Danieles birthday is this day. And I think its been a great day.
It all started with a huge Pancake brunch. Pancakes, Strawberry Sauce, Eggs, Grits, Bacon, Sausage, Oranges, Cheese Danishes, Banana Bread,Maybe a few other things.
After Brunch Daniele and Trish and I headed to town. We hit up Starbucks then Mall and decided again that our mall is the most small, empty, strange, mall in the country. They opened a few new stores so it has like 8 stores now so thats nice. We went shopping a few other places then went to Sante Fe for lunch. Sadly by the time we got there it wasn't lunch time anymore so I kinda suggested to Daniele and Trish that they just not order anything because I couldn't afford the Dinner prices but still wanted to pay. So we just had chips and dip and I ordered a side order of 3 enchiladas and we all just shared and it was really nice. We talked about Life, and God, and Clothes, and Boys, and Cats...
Then we headed to Walmart to get some cheese. Got a movie from the redbox and then drove home. It was raining all day. So that was nice. And we just drove in the rain with the windows down, singing our little hearts out.
We got home and had some homemade pizza party. With cheerwine and redvelvet cake. It was not a nice combination. But don't tell the family I said that. It was mostly my idea.
OKay interjectoin here!!! All the girls are watching some horse movie and Daniele was standing near the TV and Maggie all the sudden shouts out, "Don't stand by it idiot!" And Daniele gets all red in the face embarrassed and walks off. And Everyone starts laughing and laughing cause Maggie was talking to the TV and not paying any attention to Daniele.
Anyways, Everyone is watching horse movies together. And there is still the whole night I have devoted to doing things like mani-pedi's and massages and whatnot.
I've tried to make this day really special for Daniele. The past couple of years her birthdays haven't been happy. She means more to me than almost anyone in the world. I mean with a few exceptions. ;)
I want her to be happy always. I want to do everything I can to make her smile and laugh. Because she has spent my entire life doing things to make me happy and teaching me and loving me. I know a lot of people who would call her perfect. And I can see their point. She has one of the best hearts. She just cares about people. She always puts the Lords will and her family and friends first. Sure she makes mistakes, but the awesome thing about that is, I learn from all her mistakes. So thats nice for me. Sometimes I pretend I will be as good a person as her someday. Maybe if I keep trying... when I"m like 40 I'll be close. haha. But I honestly don't see it happening. Shes just good. Shes a good one. And I'm so thankful that she is in my life. I wouldn't be the person I am today without her. (Great, I say that after I just say how I"m not a good person. I didn't mean it like that...)
So I'm signing out.
Hoping to post birthday pictures after the weekend...
Jess
Last night we watched movies all night and ate family size cheetos and doritos. Just a few of us.
So Danieles birthday is this day. And I think its been a great day.
It all started with a huge Pancake brunch. Pancakes, Strawberry Sauce, Eggs, Grits, Bacon, Sausage, Oranges, Cheese Danishes, Banana Bread,Maybe a few other things.
After Brunch Daniele and Trish and I headed to town. We hit up Starbucks then Mall and decided again that our mall is the most small, empty, strange, mall in the country. They opened a few new stores so it has like 8 stores now so thats nice. We went shopping a few other places then went to Sante Fe for lunch. Sadly by the time we got there it wasn't lunch time anymore so I kinda suggested to Daniele and Trish that they just not order anything because I couldn't afford the Dinner prices but still wanted to pay. So we just had chips and dip and I ordered a side order of 3 enchiladas and we all just shared and it was really nice. We talked about Life, and God, and Clothes, and Boys, and Cats...
Then we headed to Walmart to get some cheese. Got a movie from the redbox and then drove home. It was raining all day. So that was nice. And we just drove in the rain with the windows down, singing our little hearts out.
We got home and had some homemade pizza party. With cheerwine and redvelvet cake. It was not a nice combination. But don't tell the family I said that. It was mostly my idea.
OKay interjectoin here!!! All the girls are watching some horse movie and Daniele was standing near the TV and Maggie all the sudden shouts out, "Don't stand by it idiot!" And Daniele gets all red in the face embarrassed and walks off. And Everyone starts laughing and laughing cause Maggie was talking to the TV and not paying any attention to Daniele.
Anyways, Everyone is watching horse movies together. And there is still the whole night I have devoted to doing things like mani-pedi's and massages and whatnot.
I've tried to make this day really special for Daniele. The past couple of years her birthdays haven't been happy. She means more to me than almost anyone in the world. I mean with a few exceptions. ;)
I want her to be happy always. I want to do everything I can to make her smile and laugh. Because she has spent my entire life doing things to make me happy and teaching me and loving me. I know a lot of people who would call her perfect. And I can see their point. She has one of the best hearts. She just cares about people. She always puts the Lords will and her family and friends first. Sure she makes mistakes, but the awesome thing about that is, I learn from all her mistakes. So thats nice for me. Sometimes I pretend I will be as good a person as her someday. Maybe if I keep trying... when I"m like 40 I'll be close. haha. But I honestly don't see it happening. Shes just good. Shes a good one. And I'm so thankful that she is in my life. I wouldn't be the person I am today without her. (Great, I say that after I just say how I"m not a good person. I didn't mean it like that...)
So I'm signing out.
Hoping to post birthday pictures after the weekend...
Jess
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
What I've been up to lately...
Lasagna for dinner. with spinach.and I made banana bread and um maybe pearcobbler and apple crisp and vanilla icecream. There is the bread and the salad too. I like it.
I eat a lot of celery and carrots these days. I eat a lot of bananas and pears and fruit.
I mostly drink some water and juice. Not all the coffee and sweet tea andcoke soda I had been.
I've been spending lots of time cleaning bathrooms. deep cleaning. I'm good at it. I've been getting rid of and sorting out and folding lots and lots of laundry. I feel like all the "spring" cleaning I'm doing is good for me.
I just like to clean alone. And I'm good at it. I'm also good at making lists and planning parties. I'm good at telling people what to do and wear.
I'm good at baking desserts. So these are all good things.
My tongue is burned from the soup last night. And everything has a funny taste to it.
I made sugar/water to feed my bees. I don't know if they are enjoying it yet. But they should soon. I have 2 hives and they are 8 supers/shallows high. So thats fabulous. The thing is though, I purposely helped Daddy make them and painted them myself so that they would all be colour coordinated and everything. But they are all mixed up and like brown, green, brown, green, white, grey, white, green. Which I guess I'm fine with. Its just honey and bees.
A couple of Danieles best friends are here. Everyone is at the table talking and laughing and being silly. So thats good. All they are talking about is Inspecter Gadget and Macgyver. Both of which were before my time. Because apparently the Inspector Gadget I've seen is just a remade movie from the old cartoon. So... yeah I missed out on the awesome spy shows. And now-a-days all the kids cartoons are so lame. Seriously they are. I don't know where everyones imagination and sense of humor went, but I feel like its gone.
Macgyver I would have loved. Not so sure about the Inspector. But according to the elders at the table. They were both premium and you can learn a lot from them both.
I eat a lot of celery and carrots these days. I eat a lot of bananas and pears and fruit.
I mostly drink some water and juice. Not all the coffee and sweet tea and
I've been spending lots of time cleaning bathrooms. deep cleaning. I'm good at it. I've been getting rid of and sorting out and folding lots and lots of laundry. I feel like all the "spring" cleaning I'm doing is good for me.
I just like to clean alone. And I'm good at it. I'm also good at making lists and planning parties. I'm good at telling people what to do and wear.
I'm good at baking desserts. So these are all good things.
My tongue is burned from the soup last night. And everything has a funny taste to it.
I made sugar/water to feed my bees. I don't know if they are enjoying it yet. But they should soon. I have 2 hives and they are 8 supers/shallows high. So thats fabulous. The thing is though, I purposely helped Daddy make them and painted them myself so that they would all be colour coordinated and everything. But they are all mixed up and like brown, green, brown, green, white, grey, white, green. Which I guess I'm fine with. Its just honey and bees.
A couple of Danieles best friends are here. Everyone is at the table talking and laughing and being silly. So thats good. All they are talking about is Inspecter Gadget and Macgyver. Both of which were before my time. Because apparently the Inspector Gadget I've seen is just a remade movie from the old cartoon. So... yeah I missed out on the awesome spy shows. And now-a-days all the kids cartoons are so lame. Seriously they are. I don't know where everyones imagination and sense of humor went, but I feel like its gone.
Macgyver I would have loved. Not so sure about the Inspector. But according to the elders at the table. They were both premium and you can learn a lot from them both.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I get easily inspired by um Brad Pitt
Sometimes I like to do my hair in my life like I see on different movies like...
I used to do my hair like Natalie Portman.. Princess Lea on Starwars... Sometimes like Orlando Bloom, um Legolas in Lord of the Ring (really all kinds of hairstyles from those movies), um now I'm just really liking Brad Pitts style in Troy. You know Archilles heel and whatnot. So I just copy. And now I have two baby dreads thanks to Ben one night. And I kinda like them. So that's about it.
Okay, so probably I should have had a bit more product in my hair and had a serious face. but, you can't lose em all.
More Stories coming soon!!
I used to do my hair like Natalie Portman.. Princess Lea on Starwars... Sometimes like Orlando Bloom, um Legolas in Lord of the Ring (really all kinds of hairstyles from those movies), um now I'm just really liking Brad Pitts style in Troy. You know Archilles heel and whatnot. So I just copy. And now I have two baby dreads thanks to Ben one night. And I kinda like them. So that's about it.
Okay, so probably I should have had a bit more product in my hair and had a serious face. but, you can't lose em all.
More Stories coming soon!!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
on a day like this i need the lord to help me
Today was uncle buddy's funeral.. it was a really long day...
There was smiles and tears and laughter and sighs... There was awkwardness when I sat for an hour in a room full of family and tried not to cry in front of everyone. And did. I sobbed in front of all the funeral workers while I waited for the restroom. Then Austin walked out and showed me a picture of the urinal and told me al about it.
2-3 hours later we were all at the old house and eating and spendin time together. It was good.
I really love my family. So much. As much as we will miss uncle buddy, I know its okay. Because Jesus fixed everything so we can all spend an eternity together.
Today I learned that so many of the people I care too muchfor, don't care about me the same way.
I just think its a little sad that I imagine they do. Mann...
Plus I really don't want to die without a husband and children. It was sad today. I don't want to live my life pushing people away.
Life is a beautiful thing. Embrace it. Live it. Be happy. Follow Christ.
Everything's gonna be okay. Life... Death...family... Jesus...
Love. Love. Love.
There was smiles and tears and laughter and sighs... There was awkwardness when I sat for an hour in a room full of family and tried not to cry in front of everyone. And did. I sobbed in front of all the funeral workers while I waited for the restroom. Then Austin walked out and showed me a picture of the urinal and told me al about it.
2-3 hours later we were all at the old house and eating and spendin time together. It was good.
I really love my family. So much. As much as we will miss uncle buddy, I know its okay. Because Jesus fixed everything so we can all spend an eternity together.
Today I learned that so many of the people I care too muchfor, don't care about me the same way.
I just think its a little sad that I imagine they do. Mann...
Plus I really don't want to die without a husband and children. It was sad today. I don't want to live my life pushing people away.
Life is a beautiful thing. Embrace it. Live it. Be happy. Follow Christ.
Everything's gonna be okay. Life... Death...family... Jesus...
Love. Love. Love.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
toilet paper
I was grocery shopping with Daniele and um toiletpaper is ridiculously priced and I decided it would be better to buy everyone a washcloth.
Uncle Buddy passed away last night... Everyone was on the phones and going to hospitals and I was stuck with Faith and Grace crying... And I don't think I'm good at comforting and I don't think I say the right thing...
So I just hold them and awkwardly say stuff about him being in a better place and he was very sick but he's not hurting anymore. Then josh and Ben stare at me like I'm dumb and doing the wrong thing.
I hate how the air feels when someone dies. When it is expected its even stranger. Like I didn't cry. Not because I'm not sad. But people talk about it too much like... Waiting... And then it happens. And they aren't there anymore.
And when there is so much tension and the air is heavy I play dragonball z with beau. And stare at nothing. And try to not think about death and life. But it doesn't work. And I go outside and wash cars. And I get muddy with kalyn and Michal and Faith and Grace. And I grocery shop with daniele and buy toilet paper and I laugh about it.
That's what happens on a Tuesday night and a Wednesday.
Uncle Buddy passed away last night... Everyone was on the phones and going to hospitals and I was stuck with Faith and Grace crying... And I don't think I'm good at comforting and I don't think I say the right thing...
So I just hold them and awkwardly say stuff about him being in a better place and he was very sick but he's not hurting anymore. Then josh and Ben stare at me like I'm dumb and doing the wrong thing.
I hate how the air feels when someone dies. When it is expected its even stranger. Like I didn't cry. Not because I'm not sad. But people talk about it too much like... Waiting... And then it happens. And they aren't there anymore.
And when there is so much tension and the air is heavy I play dragonball z with beau. And stare at nothing. And try to not think about death and life. But it doesn't work. And I go outside and wash cars. And I get muddy with kalyn and Michal and Faith and Grace. And I grocery shop with daniele and buy toilet paper and I laugh about it.
That's what happens on a Tuesday night and a Wednesday.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
laborday weekend part 2
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Part 1 1/2 sunday
This morning we got up at 6 and went to Columbia, South Carolina. We did worship at a calvery chapel. It was a great morning full of beautiful people and beautiful singing. 30 something people were baptised.
I spent most of this weekend smiling. I'm just so happy to be spending a little quality time with my brother and his girl and some of my closest friends. I haven't seen these guys in 6 months or something. So this is nice.
I've been so happy. But If I stop and think about it. Its been a bittersweet time.
A tiny piece of me has been sad. And I've been shoving it down and right now its pushing to the surface.
A lot can happen in 6 months. People can change so much. People can find a special someone. I can feel like they are too young for a serious relationship. Some of them I know are. Everyone else seems to be changing and everything is different. I don't like it. I smile and pretend I'm happy with everything. But a tiny bit of me isn't happy. I'm faking a little. I want some things to just stay the same.
My friends are getting married and having babies. little babies I knew are now older girls. My own sisters aren't little girls anymore. Everyone has gotten so much older and I haven't noticed until now. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was 15.
But thats my little sister now and all her friends. They are growing up too fast. And I don't like it. Grace is turning 9 tomorrow. She keeps reminding me this is her last day being 8. It has to be special. :) I want it to be special just for her. But I'm the one that has been trying to keep my little sisters in pink hair bows and frilly little girl dresses.
And its not working. My sisters all pickout their own clothes now. And Grace more often then not chooses colours other then pink. Every time it happens I cringe. Every time she frowns a little at my idea of a "cute outfit"... Nobody stays young forever. I know everyone grows up. And change is inevitable. Its a good thing. blah blah blah.
But guess what, my last little sister isn't a baby anymore. And Michal isn't a little girl anymore no matter how many times I remind her that she is. And Faith is right behind Michal, 12 years old and getting tall as me. Michal is an inch or two taller. Their faces are changing. They talk differently. They don't run to me when they need a band-aid or a drink of water.
Somehow this hurts me a little. I don't know... I keep forgetting to treat Michal like a little girl and find myself enjoying spending time with Michal as an older girl. Our relationships are all different now. And I love it. But I don't.
Its all bittersweet.
Grace will always be my baby sister, my blonde, blue-eyed ballarina. She will always be dancing. And pink is still her favorite colour. She will always love cows. Her cute little grin won't change. Those random freckles won't just disappear. I don't want her to stop telling me just what shes thinking.
I want her to always love my stories. I want her to always whisper to me that I'm her favorite big sister, because I'm funnier than Daniele and I don't pick at her like Michal and Faith do. I don't want her to stop blurting out loudly at random moments, "Jess I just love you so much! You're just funny and I just love you."
Half my writing just got deleted and there is no way I can remember what I wrote.
So I'm just ending this. I'm not nearly as sad as I sound. I'm just having a melencholy moment and decided to write it out.
Everythings gonna be okay. And in alittle bit I will be as cheerful as ever.
I love seeing old fat men fishing alone shirtless on the riverbank in the rain.
Life is a beautiful thing. Thanks Lord for all the great moments you give me that make me smile.
I spent most of this weekend smiling. I'm just so happy to be spending a little quality time with my brother and his girl and some of my closest friends. I haven't seen these guys in 6 months or something. So this is nice.
I've been so happy. But If I stop and think about it. Its been a bittersweet time.
A tiny piece of me has been sad. And I've been shoving it down and right now its pushing to the surface.
A lot can happen in 6 months. People can change so much. People can find a special someone. I can feel like they are too young for a serious relationship. Some of them I know are. Everyone else seems to be changing and everything is different. I don't like it. I smile and pretend I'm happy with everything. But a tiny bit of me isn't happy. I'm faking a little. I want some things to just stay the same.
My friends are getting married and having babies. little babies I knew are now older girls. My own sisters aren't little girls anymore. Everyone has gotten so much older and I haven't noticed until now. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was 15.
But thats my little sister now and all her friends. They are growing up too fast. And I don't like it. Grace is turning 9 tomorrow. She keeps reminding me this is her last day being 8. It has to be special. :) I want it to be special just for her. But I'm the one that has been trying to keep my little sisters in pink hair bows and frilly little girl dresses.
And its not working. My sisters all pickout their own clothes now. And Grace more often then not chooses colours other then pink. Every time it happens I cringe. Every time she frowns a little at my idea of a "cute outfit"... Nobody stays young forever. I know everyone grows up. And change is inevitable. Its a good thing. blah blah blah.
But guess what, my last little sister isn't a baby anymore. And Michal isn't a little girl anymore no matter how many times I remind her that she is. And Faith is right behind Michal, 12 years old and getting tall as me. Michal is an inch or two taller. Their faces are changing. They talk differently. They don't run to me when they need a band-aid or a drink of water.
Somehow this hurts me a little. I don't know... I keep forgetting to treat Michal like a little girl and find myself enjoying spending time with Michal as an older girl. Our relationships are all different now. And I love it. But I don't.
Its all bittersweet.
Grace will always be my baby sister, my blonde, blue-eyed ballarina. She will always be dancing. And pink is still her favorite colour. She will always love cows. Her cute little grin won't change. Those random freckles won't just disappear. I don't want her to stop telling me just what shes thinking.
I want her to always love my stories. I want her to always whisper to me that I'm her favorite big sister, because I'm funnier than Daniele and I don't pick at her like Michal and Faith do. I don't want her to stop blurting out loudly at random moments, "Jess I just love you so much! You're just funny and I just love you."
Half my writing just got deleted and there is no way I can remember what I wrote.
So I'm just ending this. I'm not nearly as sad as I sound. I'm just having a melencholy moment and decided to write it out.
Everythings gonna be okay. And in alittle bit I will be as cheerful as ever.
I love seeing old fat men fishing alone shirtless on the riverbank in the rain.
Life is a beautiful thing. Thanks Lord for all the great moments you give me that make me smile.
laborday weekend. part 1.
Hey yall,
I'm riding along with my feet suffocating a dog because she needs to have her snout under my feet.
We just left His Laboring Few Biker Ministry labor day Campout.
See what happened was, Daddy's uncle is in the hospital in Georgia. so we had been there and we left to go to denton north Carolina and got there Friday afternoon and played music tillate. It was good. First time Josh played with us in a long time. It was good. A few special Matsons were there. And that surprised me. We also saw the st.johns. such a fun time.
These days I fly by the seat of my pants and pass by the skin of my teeth and I just spend my time living and loving.
To be continued...
I'm riding along with my feet suffocating a dog because she needs to have her snout under my feet.
We just left His Laboring Few Biker Ministry labor day Campout.
See what happened was, Daddy's uncle is in the hospital in Georgia. so we had been there and we left to go to denton north Carolina and got there Friday afternoon and played music tillate. It was good. First time Josh played with us in a long time. It was good. A few special Matsons were there. And that surprised me. We also saw the st.johns. such a fun time.
These days I fly by the seat of my pants and pass by the skin of my teeth and I just spend my time living and loving.
To be continued...
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Oh Irene...
The thing is, there are these amazing waves all up the beach probably because of the hurricane or whatever.
Last night Michal, Faith and I decided to just do it.
So we were all up in them being knocked and thrown around.
At one point I got really caught in one and couldnt get out or breathe. It was just throwing me and rolling me over and over
there wasn't anything I could do about it . I mean probably I could just die.
finally the ocean spit me out on the beach after flinging me high in the air and I just hit the sand. hard.
I was trying to breathe and choking out all that salt water and deciding to never enter the water again when I looked over and saw Michal and Faith both having just been equally attacked by that wave.
I thought they were dying but they both just were there in the ocean. laughing. happy as a clam. Not blaming the water for almost drowning them. Running back and throwing themselves into it. diving into those waves that should have scared the crap outta them.
waves twice their height. And thats how they are. My sisters. They aren't afraid. They aren't afraid of drowning or trusting.
They just enjoy life. They do everything that they feel like. They throw themselves into anything. Now, I'm not thinking thats always the wisest thing for them to do.
I wouldn't encourage them to do life threatening things like jumping off cliffs into lakes and swimming in hurricane waves and petting animals that could bite their hhands/arms/heads off. But they just do. And I'm proud of that. My brother's my sisters are all so brave.
I want to be like that again. I want to live like theres no tomorrow. And do everything that I'm scared to do but want so badly to do.
And usually when I just force myself to do it I'm not afraid once I'm doing it. Its the anticipation that gets me. And I just have to stop thinking and jump.
Stop thinking and dive. Stop over analyzing. Stop being so afraid of everything.
Last night Michal, Faith and I decided to just do it.
So we were all up in them being knocked and thrown around.
At one point I got really caught in one and couldnt get out or breathe. It was just throwing me and rolling me over and over
there wasn't anything I could do about it . I mean probably I could just die.
finally the ocean spit me out on the beach after flinging me high in the air and I just hit the sand. hard.
I was trying to breathe and choking out all that salt water and deciding to never enter the water again when I looked over and saw Michal and Faith both having just been equally attacked by that wave.
I thought they were dying but they both just were there in the ocean. laughing. happy as a clam. Not blaming the water for almost drowning them. Running back and throwing themselves into it. diving into those waves that should have scared the crap outta them.
waves twice their height. And thats how they are. My sisters. They aren't afraid. They aren't afraid of drowning or trusting.
They just enjoy life. They do everything that they feel like. They throw themselves into anything. Now, I'm not thinking thats always the wisest thing for them to do.
I wouldn't encourage them to do life threatening things like jumping off cliffs into lakes and swimming in hurricane waves and petting animals that could bite their hhands/arms/heads off. But they just do. And I'm proud of that. My brother's my sisters are all so brave.
I want to be like that again. I want to live like theres no tomorrow. And do everything that I'm scared to do but want so badly to do.
And usually when I just force myself to do it I'm not afraid once I'm doing it. Its the anticipation that gets me. And I just have to stop thinking and jump.
Stop thinking and dive. Stop over analyzing. Stop being so afraid of everything.
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