I was grocery shopping with Daniele and um toiletpaper is ridiculously priced and I decided it would be better to buy everyone a washcloth.
Uncle Buddy passed away last night... Everyone was on the phones and going to hospitals and I was stuck with Faith and Grace crying... And I don't think I'm good at comforting and I don't think I say the right thing...
So I just hold them and awkwardly say stuff about him being in a better place and he was very sick but he's not hurting anymore. Then josh and Ben stare at me like I'm dumb and doing the wrong thing.
I hate how the air feels when someone dies. When it is expected its even stranger. Like I didn't cry. Not because I'm not sad. But people talk about it too much like... Waiting... And then it happens. And they aren't there anymore.
And when there is so much tension and the air is heavy I play dragonball z with beau. And stare at nothing. And try to not think about death and life. But it doesn't work. And I go outside and wash cars. And I get muddy with kalyn and Michal and Faith and Grace. And I grocery shop with daniele and buy toilet paper and I laugh about it.
That's what happens on a Tuesday night and a Wednesday.
The reality is sweet mamma Jess is that when you love and serve littles as an awesome Aunt, a Big Sister, a mom or a grandmother, you never have the feeling that you have said the right thing. The best women always wonder and ask if they did something right. That is the very burden of mothering. Please take heart and know that in your path you are so much harder on yourself. (No really) The mere fact that you seek the Lord gives you the right perspective and that's all we have. - any of us - Giving birth doesn't turn on some switch that gives us the right way or right hug or right answer. You are so equipped to help and guide any young person or little child! You are not dumb and certainly not doing it wrong, but men often are bewildered at the way in which children need attention! {hugs}
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